Episode 19: GoldenEye

– Good morning, Mr Bond, sit. I’m Defense Minister Dimitri Mishkin. So, by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond?

– What, no small talk? No chit chat? That’s the trouble with the world today. No one takes the time to do a really sinister interrogation anymore. It’s a lost art.

This week, the entire franchise is retooled and the lead has been recast from the menswear department from Grace Brothers, but somehow we all manage to find these facts less compelling than the recent and terribly upsetting death of Sir Roger Moore. Cheerio, darling!

See the film

GoldenEye is available for purchase on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

You can also get it on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise to devote at least half an hour to each of our remaining commentaries to eulogising the wonderful Sir Roger Moore. (Actually, I think we’re planning to do that anyway.)

Episode 18: Licence to Kill

– When it gets up to your ankles, you're going to beg to tell me everything. When it gets up to your knees, you'll kiss my ass to kill you.

This week, we're still as dark and edgy as ever, but instead of commenting on a fun and witty espionage thriller, we're consumed by a thirst for revenge, like so many tiresome action heroes of the 1990s. There's also some stuff about cocaine mixed with petrol, which comes with so many warnings from the Surgeon General that you can barely fit them on the side of an oil tanker.

See the film

Licence to Kill is available for purchase on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

You can also get it on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we'll really give you a nice honeymoon. A proper romantic one, with flowers and martinis and things.

Episode 17: The Living Daylights

– Why didn’t you learn the violin?

We’re back after a two-year break, and somehow we’re darker, sexier, edgier, and a whole lot more Welsh. Brendan’s hot and bothered, James is seeking other podcasting opportunities, and Nathan is weirdly obsessed with the Dalton hair. He’s probably just jealous.

See the film

The Living Daylights is available for purchase on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

You can also get it on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise we won’t punch Robert Brown in the face until at least the next film.

Episode 16: A View to a Kill

– Welcome sir, I’m Jenny Flex.

– Of course you are.

Well, it’s our last ever Rodgecast, and we couldn’t be more upset to see him go. (Although he only appears in this film for about five minutes: in most scenes he is played by one of a team of about three dozen stuntmen.) To console ourselves, we share a few bottles of bubbles, while we discuss flirting grandparents, pranking Roger in bed, the absence of Ken Adam, the worst actors to play Bond villains, the curse of Goldfinger, and the terrible disappointment of a flaccid zeppelin.

See the film

If you can tolerate buying yet another plastic disk, you can buy A View to a Kill on Blu-ray. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It’s also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We’re also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we’ll think twice before breaking your precious Ming vase over an intruder’s head.

Episode 15: Never Say Never Again

– Good to see you Mr Bond. Things've been awfully dull round here. Bureaucrats running the whole place. Everything done by the book. Can't make a decision unless the computer gives you the go ahead. Now you're on this. I hope we're going to have some gratuitous sex and violence!

– I certainly hope so too.

For legal reasons, this month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James have decided to do a remake of Bondfinger Episode 4, with much more exciting lighting and production design and a much less coherent script. But all is not lost. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Max von Sydow, Rowan Atkinson and Pamela Salem to the world of Bond, and Never Say Never Again.

See the film

The Blu-ray of Never Say Never Again is ridiculously expensive in the US, and comparatively cheap in post-Brexit Britain. But, honestly, don't bother. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we'll somehow manage to fill that beaker you're holding from here.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

Brendan's currently on a secret mission to undermine the government of a tiny South Pacific nation, and so he's been unable to create a new episode of Doctor Who in Ten Seconds. But if you'd like to see him summarise his way through Doctor Who's first seven seasons, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.

Episode 14: Octopussy

– Is he still there?

– You must be joking! 007 on an island populated exclusively by women? We won't see him till dawn!

This month, we're throwing political correctness to the winds, and trying out every conceivable Indian stereotype. Brendan is sleeping on a bed of nails, Nathan is swallowing swords, Richard is charming snakes, and (strangely) James is dressing as Agnetha from the music video of SOS. It's the second best Bond film of 1983 (or is it?). Welcome to Octopussy.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Octopussy. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise to give you enough cash to keep you in curry for a few weeks. (This promise should not be regarded as in any way legally binding.)

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

We never mention Doctor Who on Bondfinger, of course, so you have probably never even heard of it. But if you have, you will certainly enjoy Brendan's video series Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises each Doctor Who story from the 1960s and 1970s in no more than 10 seconds. To watch the series, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.

Episode 13: For Your Eyes Only

– Mr. Bond! We can do a deal! I'll by you a delicatessen in stainless steel! Please!

– Alright, keep your hair on!

– Put me down! Put me down!

– Oh, you want to get off?

This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James decide to rein it all back in — we're dumping into a chimney the whole idea of taking over the world, and instead we'll just do a whole lot of skiing, rock-climbing and wrangling over a eighties-era electronic calculators. Oh, and punching Lynn-Holly Johnson in the face. For Your Eyes Only-y-y!

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of For Your Eyes Only. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. Feel free to tweet at James with your podcast suggestions. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we'll totally award you a gold medal for breath control.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

Since our last Bondfinger, Brendan has been hard at work on Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, which now covers the 1960s and the first season of the 1970s. To see Brigade Leader Brendan gurn his way through the first seven years of Doctor Who, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.

Episode 12: Moonraker

– Mr Bond, you persist in defying my efforts to provide an amusing death for you.

This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the widely reviled 1979 classic Moonraker, and to their absolute delight, they discover that it's actually really good. Of course, they also criticise some terrible kerning, wince at the series' most upsetting death, and wonder if Drax's guards can actually hear anything under all that.

Oh, and Brendan sings Joe Cornish's proposed theme for Quantum of Solace.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Moonraker. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we will completely overlook that regrettable incident in Egypt where you bit out the throat of beloved English actor Nadim Sawalha.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

Since our last Bondfinger, Brendan has been hard at work on Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, which now covers the entirety of the 1960s. To catch Brendan's uniquely sweet and sardonic take on Doctor Who, or just to see him clad in skin-tight glittery spandex, just visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.

Episode 11: The Spy Who Loved Me

— Oh, by the way, thanks for deserting me back there.

— Every women for herself, remember?

— Still, you did save my life.

— We all make mistakes, Mr. Bond.

After a couple of fairly lacklustre films, the James Bond franchise roars back to life in the seminal Bond film of the 1970s: The Spy Who Loved Me. So, among the crude double entendres and Doctor Who references, there's a lot of admiration here: the frocks, Jaws, Barbara Bach's fabulous breasts, Bernard Lee's fabulous nose, and the biggest set in the biggest sound stage in human history.

As always, Bondfinger isn't really safe for work.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of The Spy Who Loved Me. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise to always keep the British end up, sir.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

On Bondfinger, we make it a strict rule to never mention Doctor Who, of course. But just this once, let's make an exception.

Brendan has just uploaded the latest episode of Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he deftly summarises every story in Doctor Who's Season 4. Trust us, you'll love it.

And for more delightful Doctor Who–summarising whimsy, you can visit the webpage or subscribe on YouTube.

Episode 10: The Man with the Golden Gun

– Good morning. How's the water?

– Why don't you come in and find out?

– Sounds very tempting, Miss, er…

– Chew Mee.

– Really? There's only one problem. I have no swimming trunks.

– Neither have I.

This month, Brendan, Richard and James shred to pieces one of Nathan's favourite Bond films, The Man with the Golden Gun. On the way, we discuss the casting couch, Roger's reluctance to learn the choreography, the inscrutable geography of Asia and the need for every Bond stunt from here on in to be performed to the sound of a slide whistle.

The Q and A with Sarah Douglas, star of Superman II, is at the Hayden Orpheum in Sydney's Cremorne, on 9 October 2016. See you there, perhaps.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of The Man with the Golden Gun. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

Yes, I know we're not talking about Doctor Who, but fans of Brendan Jones will enjoy Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises every Doctor Who story in no more than ten seconds. You can find it here. It's terribly, terribly sweet.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes or the Google Podcast Directory, we'll actually say some nice things about next month's Bond film.

Episode 9: Live and Let Die

– There are two ways to disable an alligator, Mr Bond.

– I don't suppose you'd care to share that information with me?

– One way is to take a pencil and stick it in the pressure point above its eye.

– And the other way?

– Oh, the other way is twice as simple. Just stick your hand in its mouth and pull out all its teeth.

This month, Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James watch the first of Roger Moore's seven Bond films: Live and Let Die. We cringe at the racism, admire Tee Hee's positive approach to his work and enjoy Roger Moore's best hair ever.

As always, Bondfinger is not safe for work. And the opinions expressed in this podcast have no legal standing or cultural validity.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Live and Let Die. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Doctor Who in Ten Seconds

If, like all reasonable people, you are baffled and slightly repelled by all our references to Doctor Who, then we have the solution. Brendan has launched a video series called Doctor Who in Ten Seconds, in which he summarises every Doctor Who story in no more than ten seconds. You can find it here. It's a hoot, apparently.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you enjoyed our commentary (you know you did, you know you did), then please rate or review us on iTunes, or even Google Music. (Sure, why not?)

Episode 8: Diamonds Are Forever

— I'm Bambi.

— And I'm Thumper. Is there something we can do for you?

— I can think of several things, off hand…

Brendan, Nathan, Richard and James have each been paid £1.25 million to appear in this episode of Bondfinger, which means that we have no money left to pay Ken Adam, John Barry or any of the makeup girls. Sorry about that.

As always, Bondfinger is not safe for work.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Diamonds Are Forever. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, when love's gone, we'll lustre on. If that's actually a verb.

Episode 7: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

— I find her fascinating. But, she needs a psychiatrist, not me.

— What she needs is a man... to dominate her! To make love to her enough to make her love him! A man like you!

Sean Connery's gone, never to return (never!), and so we find ourselves with a long-running film franchise starring Australian heartthrob George Lazenby and his amazing seven-film contract. What could possibly go wrong?

In the meantime, we discuss overworked foley artists, Diana Rigg's fabulous breasts (repeatedly) and Richard's prepubescent frisson encountering a shirtless Lazenby at a 1970s dinner party. All while continually preventing James from making endless Doctor Who references. Oh, James.

Here's the exchange of open letters between Diana Rigg and George Lazenby, apparently published in the Daily Mirror in 1970.

You should immediately follow George Lazenby on Twitter. He's crazily fabulous.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of On Her Majesty's Secret Service. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we'll give you the name of our oculist.

Episode 6: Casino Royale (1967)

— It's vaporized lysergic acid: it's highly explosive!

What the hell just happened?

After a two-month mission infiltrating a volcano in Japan, Brendan, Nathan and James return to face their most puzzling mission yet: the inexplicable and sporadically entertaining dumpster fire that is the 1967 film Casino Royale.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Casino Royale. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, you'll be in the running to win the grand prize of starring in your very own incomprehensibly disjointed dance sequence in a Buddhist temple, or a big green thumbprint or, who knows, the Wild West or something, directed by some guy we met on the street just now, for the upcoming Bondfinger Productions movie Never Say Never Again, starring Ben Stiller as Sir Daniel Craig and Richard L Stone as Fatima Blush.

Episode 5: You Only Live Twice

– Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?

– You think we better, huh?

– No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar, but I love them both.

– Darling, I give you very best duck.

Brendan, Richard, Nathan and James have been surgically altered to look like Romulans and sent off to the embarrassingly exotic Orient to confront the hideous Doctor Evil. On the way, they discuss Danger 5, stirring your martini, landing helicopters in the studio, pig-faced girls, orientalism, sexism, and dozens of potential future podcast projects.

(Warning: SPECTRE spoilers abound.)

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of You Only Live Twice. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we promise never to come first (ew!).

Episode 4: Thunderball

But of course! I forgot your ego, Mr Bond. James Bond, who only has to make love to a woman and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing. She repents and immediately returns to the side of right and virtue. But not this one.

In this episode, Brendan, Nathan and James head off to the irrigation therapy room to watch Thunderball. On the way, we tell you how to set off a nuclear bomb, try and pronounce the name Llewellyn, speculate about sexy grandfathers and watch carefully-trained sharks being brutally slaughtered.

You can read the Incredible Suit's review of Thunderball here.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Thunderball. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we'll throw in a mink glove to reduce the tension (no we won't).

Episode 3: Goldfinger

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!

This month, Brendan, Nathan and James watch and comment on one of the all-time Bond classics: Goldfinger. On the way, we find ourselves discussing golfing without underwear, the joys of bourbon, exposition pool tables and, of course, Little James himself. Over and over again.

Roger Moore plays James Bond in this comedy sketch from 1964.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Goldfinger. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we'll tell the stewardess liquor for three.

Episode 2: From Russia With Love

Siamese Fighting Fish. Fascinating creatures. Brave, but on the whole, stupid. Yes, they're stupid… except for the occasional one such as we have here, who waits. Waits until the survivor is so exhausted that he cannot defend himself. And then, like SPECTRE, he strikes.

In our second commentary track, Richard, Brendan, Sutekh the cat and James (oh, James!) hop on board the Orient Express (probably), where they fight over Robert Shaw, obsess inexplicably over Daniella Bianchi, and tell you everything you never wanted to know about Sean Connery's increasingly unconvincing series of toupées.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of From Russia With Love. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Richard is @RichardLStone and James is @ohjamessellwood. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we'll make love to you all the time in England. No, really.

Episode 1: Dr. No

— I admire your courage, Miss — ?
— Trench. Sylvia Trench. I admire your luck, Mr — ?
— Bond. James Bond.

Welcome to the first episode of our new podcast, Bondfinger. In this episode, Brendan, Richard, Nathan and James watch and discuss the first proper Bond film: Dr No (1962), starring Sean Connery, Ursula Andress and John Kitzmiller.

Bondfinger is a commentary podcast, so it's best watched alongside the film itself. Just press play when Brendan says now. Of course, you can also watch it on its own — on a boat at night heading out to the mysterious Crab Key, or while showering on a conveyor belt with Ursula Andress.

Bondfinger may contain drug and sex references, colourful idioms, adult themes, and artistically valid nudity. It's hard for us to remember after the fourth Vesper martini.

See the film

Buy the Blu-ray of Dr. No. (Amazon US) (Amazon UK)

It's also available on iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Instant Video.

Follow us!

Brendan is on Twitter as @critiqaltheory, Nathan is @nathanbottomley, James is @ohjamessellwood, and Richard's Twitter account was last seen tumbling down a cliff in a hearse and exploding for no reason. You can follow the podcast on Twitter as @Bondfingercast.

We're also on Facebook, and you can check out our website at bondfinger.com. And if you rate or review us on iTunes, we'll slap on some unconvincing eye makeup and cook you some lovely Chinese food. No strings attached. Promise.